Monday, April 4, 2011
Yes, I got into temasek poly. But I am not feeling as happy I expected myself to be. I guess I dont have anyone to share my happiness with. 2 years in ITE, 2 years just passed. Who can return me 2 years of my life? Yes, I did make it but I am still feeling very sad that I am slower by people pace by 2 years. Before O lvls, I told myself that I should never get myself into ITE with my aged father situation. Although I dont really like him but afterall he is still my father. And now I need to face the fact that I had to spend 2 fucking years in the NS after poly when he is close to be 70 soon. This thing is really going through my mind for quite a long while. My mum do tell me that I shouldnt worry much as alot of people in their 70s and 80s do still have a healthy lifestyle but my father DONT. He stop working and do useless stuff everyday. He eat unhealthily. And I DONT talk to him. I just cant bring myself to talk to him normally again. The sight of him just make me detest him even more. He just dont understand the action of him is really irritating. He dont understand the good intention of people. In the end what? I am the one who had to bear this age gap stress. Family? No. Broken family I do have one. I really do have a good broken family. Another member in my family that left me most disappointed is my sister. She changed. She really changed. If doraemon can give me a life reflection mirror, I will definitely show it to her. Her attitude to my mum especially. Sometime I really try my best to accompany my mum as much as I can but there is a limit I can do. I knew my mum favourite child is still my sis afterall. My brother is in bad terms with my sister. I am in bad terms with my father. My mother is in bad terms with my father. This isnt a family at all. I really wish to have a happy family. A happy family. I do have a friend sis who brought their whole family to korea. I really respect this sister alot alot. I really hoped that my sis or bro will take the initiative to bring this pathetic family out for a trip together. At least once I hoped. This family cant wait for me to bring them overseas when I grow up cause I am a stupid son who is doing slow in life.I seriously hate my life. FUCK MY LIFE. Please god, I'm sorry what I had done previously. I hope you see things differently in life. Bless my good side. Punish me bad side. I really need the courage to continue on walking.
It's faith in something