Saturday, July 2, 2011
as usual. I am feeling horrible now. Scared, cold, depressed. I trying to get back some motivation in life to push myself but it dont seems to be coming the right way. Thursday, I skipped school. I went alone to East Coast Park and sat there alone. I looked at the sea, see the birds, hear the sound of the wave and hear to the song ''Kiss the rain'' by yiruma. It was peaceful. No stress, nothing, only beautiful memories of the past. But it could be better it could be if there was someone there with me. What is exactly wrong with me? I have no idea. I am just feeling extremely pressure and stress. I dont look foward to any thing. I am just so scared of everything that is coming. I feel like crying out. I seriously do. Is there anyone out there who can lend me a shoulder for me to lie on? I am tired, really really tired. Who say guys dont cry. Guys are humans too. Guys have emotions too. School is just too stress on me. Presentations are coming. How am I going to handle it. I really have no idea. Got back my first mid sem test paper on wednesday. Not too bad. 28.5 over 50. Not that great, I passed. Got back my second paper today. 23.5 over 40. Was quite upset, I didnt expect it be that bad. Never mind either. I told myself at least I passed. I tried my best. I just feel very depressed in school. I feel very uncomfortable with the environment. I tried my best to adapt to the people, to the fast pace of life, to the problems. I tried everything. I went to see a counsellor. I went to see a doctor. I told myself not to be that stressed up. I tried to solve my problems. I told myself to be more confident. I took advice from siblings, mum and friends. I really tried everything but I am feeling as usual. In class, I just feel so uncomfortable. I am really afraid of pulling down my project mates. I really do. Its alright if I go down alone but I really dont want to make other people go down with me. No one will understand the stress inside me. It is just so stressful to be in a group with members who are good. I already have problems communicating comfortably within my group, how am I going to do my presentation? God out there, please, I ask for your guidance. I just feel very hopeless. I feel useless.
It's faith in something